Sunday, May 3, 2009

Fight night at 11am

Ma-ma-ma-ma-mustn’t hear nnnnnnnn-mmmmmmm-nnnnnnnggggggg. No information must enter brain. No! No! No! Keep brain empty. No news! No media! No sports! No! No gossip! And especially, no boxing!
No! No boxing news till 11am.
Only then can we watch the Manny Pacquiao-Ricky Hatton fight with virgin eyes and blank brains. The way boxing matches are meant to be watched.
The thing is, no one deserves to wake up at 3am to watch it live, not even boxing fans. Nobody should suffer like that.
And we all know how they run boxing tournaments. There are about five support bouts on the undercard. The first one starts at 3am. It’s a six-round bout, but you’ve no idea how long it’ll last. It could go the distance, which is 25 minutes, or it could be a first-round knockout.
Same with the second, third, fourth and fifth bouts. They could end with an uppercut to the jaw in the first minute, or they could turn into hour-long marathons.
So when you tune into Supersport 2 at 3am for the Manny Pacquiao fight, you could wait till 6am till you see your fight. So you’d be waking up at three to watch arbs fight while you battle to stay awake, then finally fall asleep around dawn, just as Pacquiao is about to start.
It’s a stuff-up. Watching a Las Vegas boxing match live, when you’re in South Africa is cruel and unusual viewing.
Hence the delayed broadcast. At 11am Sunday morning. A far more civilised hour. So that’s the plan for us on the Sunday of the Pacquiao fight. Watch the 11am fight, over coffee and croissants, then braai, dop and tjop till our colons burst.
The catch with this plan, is you need to avoid finding out the result until 11am. So you have to maintain a total media blackout until 11am. And in this day and age, that’s not easy.
Me and Smiles walk into the bakery at 10.30am Sunday, on a last-minute pastry run. We running late. Running late.
In the bakery, what do we need, muffins, croissan… My god! They’re playing the radio in here! And he’s talking about… the Samas! That’s current events! From the Samas to boxing is a chip and a putt! I’ve gotta get out of the bakery pronto, or I’ll hear the result. The whole Pacquiao project is in jeopardy!
I go sprinting out of there like a robber. “Sasha-Lee faces a final showdown with Jason in tonight’s…” Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mustn’t hear mustn’t hear!
I seek shelter in the car. Send Baby back into the bakery to buy the buns. It’s far too dangerous in there.
In the car, Metro’s playing Tomorrow People. “What were you doing when this was a hit?” Turn it off! We can’t be exposed to media! Off! Off! Off! Play a CD! What? That one! Miles Davis? Fine, whatever! Just not a DJ, talking! A DJ might have watched the Pacquiao fight at 3am. He might be watching it on SuperSport Blitz in the studio right now. He cannot be trusted!
Everything is dangerous when you’re living in a media-ban time warp.

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