Hagen's House

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Writings

Planetary Vehicles, Supermodel Feet And the Nostrils of Jennifer Lawrence
Class War, Same As Before
Sewers, elbow pads and million-pound spankfests
Comrade Baby and the Gateway To Hell
Four thousand blacks, some coloureds and a parking machine
Oliver Mtukudzi In The House
Gautrain: A Day In The Life
A proud fuck you
Her picture, but not
How I Knew Reeva Steenkamp
Marrying Black Girls For Guys Who Aren't Black
Things I Learnt About White Guys By Marrying a Black Girl
10 Reasons Cape Town Can Fuck Off
Travels With My Ballbag
Horror, devastation and poorly timed baby visits
Me and Dad save the Day in the '81 Floods
Buying umbhaco for Baby
Home Of The Blessed
When Talking, Voting, Swallowing Your Pride And Patient Hoping Fails...
Path of the Seven Revolutions
The Ghost Of Her Greatness
Seven Signs Of The Apocalypse
Let's Talk Shit
A Quick Overview of 60 000 years of South African music



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POPULAR POSTS

  • Marrying Black Girls For Guys Who Aren't Black
    Are you a guy? And you’re not black? And you dig black girls?             Not just to look at their asses from a distance, but actually to ...
  • Things I learnt about white guys by marrying a black girl
    By Hagen Engler There I was thinking I was the Derek Hanekom of Saxonwold Extension. Turns out I’m exactly as white as I look, and no ...
  • Home of the blessed
    They’ve been letters from home, but not stayed the same. Then they became letters for home. Home of Garth Wright, Springbok of legend, who ...
  • How I knew Reeva Steenkamp
    This piece first ran in the Daily Maverick Reeva Steenkamp was my homegirl. Which is slightly different to her being ...
  • Travels with my ballbag
    I would've inspected myself for lumps, but my right ball was too painful too touch. It was pretty obvious that I was dying of testicul...
  • Rodriguez, me and my Man Card
     I’m becoming a bit of a sissy these days.             Look, I’m still a muscled beast of a guy, with a very valid Man Card....
  • 10 Reasons Why Cape Town can Fuck Off!
    The following is the original "10 Reasons Cape Town can Fuck Off" piece. I wrote it under my pseudonym Haai van der Schyff in 199...
  • Sylvana's legendary video!
    I once worked at FHM magazine, but I don't often post stuff from there. I will make an exception in the case of the lovely Sylvana Easto...
  • Planetary vehicles, supermodel feet, and the nostrils of Jennifer Lawrence
    The other day as I was plucking my own nosehairs in my rearview mirror and sobbing quietly into my fist, I began to muse on evolution.   ...
  • A quick overview of 60 000 years of South African music
    The history of South African music begins with the release of Hlokoloza by Arthur in September 2011. I’ve only been doing my research on Tw...

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