This is more like it!

When it comes to dystopian sci-fi depictions of alienated youth, Hagen's House would just like to say, Jennifer Lawrence is more the kind of thing one looks for in a prospective sex symbol. The sight of Kirsten Stewart – and Rob Pattinson, for that matter – had us seriously worried. Having sat through a couple of Twilights and having observed those two nursing their doomed, vampiry love for each other while looking paler than someone who's about to faint in a queue did absolutely nothing for us.

Jennifer Lawrence: Proper

If that's sexy, clearly someone's been feeding us skelm valium, because we don't feel it. Timberlake obviously didn't bring enough sexy back with him in 2003, 'cos those two are the lamest heartthrobs since Tom Cruise and that one who looks like she's been hypnotised. Bollocks to them, and indeed the entire teen sci-fi genre, if that's the best they can do. We're marginally more interested in the recently disbanded Harry Potter cast, because you know the ginger dude is probably doing rails with Jude Law and Prince Harry. That Emma Watson's turning out okay, as she matures, but she could do with a night out on the lash with Charlotte Church. Maybe a girls' weekend in Ibiza culminating in some lesbian tongue-fencing in the hotel pool.

No, the best of the lot is really the new girl, lovely Jennifer Lawrence, soon to grace our streetpoles on posters advertising the movie The Hunger Games. It's apparently about babes who have to hunt and kill each other in some kind of life-and-death reality show that happens in the future. Sort of like Wipeout with landmines, we imagine. But even if The Hunger Games turns out kak, it will always have on its CV that it introduced to us a lady so nice to look at it's like she's giving each of your eyes a wristie. She's Jennifer Lawrence! She's blonde, she's 21 and she's from Kentucky. Gents, this is what a sex symbol is supposed to look like!