Monday, January 30, 2012

Key Issues

Keys are important.
Keys keep us safe.
Keys bind us together.
Keys mean we're afraid.
Keys mean "I love you".
Keys get lost in the laundry.
Keys get locked in the car.
Keys mean you're 21, which means you're grown up, for some reason, but at least they're easier than having your foreskin chopped off.
Keys make a jingly clink sound that lets you know where they are about your person.
Keys in your hand mean you're about to leave, or you won't be staying long.
Keys can be a weapon, they say, if you're mugged in a parking lot.
Keys get old and smooth, like the smoothed iconic stone feet of the Virgin Mary in Rome, caressed by pilgrims for centuries, but not like that at all.
Keys might as well be screwdrivers when they get like that.
Keys make handy pendants, if you're a latchkey kid. Like plectrum necklaces for musicians.
Keys are about eight bucks to cut at a hardware store.
"Keys, keys, keys," is what you say to yourself while turning your room upside down so you can find them and leave the flat for a photo shoot with a rock band you're already 20 minutes late for. And you haven't even started looking for your wallet, your sunglasses or your phone yet. So they gonna have to wait.
Keys will all be smart cards soon. Or iris scanners, or fingerprint readers, or voice recognition devices.
Keys can also be allen keys, those L-shaped spanners that are also shaped like honeycombs.
Keys was the last finance minister - Derek, not Allen, and no relation. He was the one before Manuel. Keys was very good, apparently, but now, it turns out, so is Manuel.
Keys are little islands between the swamps off the southern tip of Florida, apparently. There's one called Key Largo.
Keys rhyme with quays. You get them in harbours, apparently. There's one called Victoria Quay.
Keys are what songs are in. There are 14 in all. It's to do with root notes and you have to end on the same note you started with, most of the time.
There's one called E, which most blues is in.
Keys can be buttons, and occur on keyboards, for typing, or playing the blues.
Keys can be verbs, adjectives, nouns and adverbs, like all the best words.
Keys give you a sense of belonging. And belonging is a key sense.
Keys come in bunches, like bananas, but they taste of metal, like iron supplements, so they must be good for you, like a long holiday in the Comores. Because sometimes all you need is a change of environment to feel completely invigorated, and that's exactly what keys give you.

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