Tuesday, July 13, 2010

10 Reasons why being rich is a fuck-up!

1 You’re never actually rich. The harder you work and the richer you get, the more you realise you’re not actually rich and that you need to work even harder to get richer, but even then you won’t be rich. It’s a fuck-up.

2 It’s expensive to be rich. The more you earn, the more they tax you, the larnier a place you’ll stay in, the kiefer your car will be, the hotter your wife will be and the more it’ll cost you to just fuckin’ exist! So basically, fuck being rich. You do get a hot wife, though.

3 Ous wanna steal your shit. The more awesome rich-guy stuff you get, the more people covet it. Then they break in your spot, stab you in the eye and steal the fuckin’ shit. Like a diamond-encrusted Glock. Only a rich guy would have one of those. And if you had one, I would rob that fuckin’ thing from you. One time.

4 You become a ponce. When you’re rich, you develop sophisticated tastes, which makes you want to hang out with other rich cats. Pretty soon you start thinking you’re better than everybody else. Which you’re not. You’re just a rich ponce. That’s why being rich is a fuck-up!

5 It seems like a good idea. Even though being rich is a fuck-up, it looks fuckin’ sweet. So everybody wants to be rich. That turns society into a materialistic, superficial, selfish bitch-fest where everyone’s out to schnaai money off each other, at whatever cost.  And where is the love? Not here. It’s a fuck-up.

6 You work your poes off. In order to get rich, you have to work like a bastard non-stop. By the time you eventually get rich, you’re such a workaholic that you can’t stop. So you neglect your family, have no time to enjoy your bucks and you peg of a stress-ulcer at 51.

7 You’ll go to hell. The moral decay will fuck you. Because you’ve spent your life accumulating your fortune, you’ll do almost anything to avoid losing it. That will mean lying, embezzling, bribing okes, suppressing evidence and all kinds of other kak stuff. It’s a fuck-up.

8 No one digs you, bru. They just hang with you for your bucks. Every babe who pomps you is hoping to score a X5 out of you, every lightie who’s polite to you hopes you put them in your will, and your so called chinas only want you to buy them ales and a R500 ticket for the lucky draw at the Bowls Club.

9 You gonna get the clap. Precisely because you’re so rich and women only want you for mercenary reasons, you will be able to have sex with all manner of promiscuous individuals. You will have clap within a month of making your first billion. If not the chivy. It’s a fuck-up.

10 You’ll never be truly happy. You’ll never again know the simple pleasure of having a chat about Boks’ chances in the Tri-Nations while getting a lift from the Radium to Max-X in Edenvale with a oke you bummed a smoke off in the bogs. And that, sir, is a bit of a fuck-up.

1 comment:

bianca holmes said...

Hahaha love it!!! Going to make my dad read it!