I should have cheated: Puma Kings Of Pong!

I was up 6-0. Then I lost a point and the score went to 5-4 That’s when I knew I had a game on my hands.

            Of course the whole bloody thing was rigged. The fix was in. And me, I coulda been a contender, Charlie. I coulda been somebody. Instead of just another media/creative whore at Puma Social Club #KingsofPong night in downtown Braamfontein.

            Actually, that’s bullshit. The fix was certainly in, but I was still a contender. I cracked a third place in the end. Narrowly defeated in the semi by Dave Alves, another creative/media/whore type. The place was rife with them.

            But it’s the media launch of Kings Of Pong, so what the fuck do I expect!

            I’m lucky to be here in the first place, on such thin ice is my career. I’m barely able to qualify as a media whore.

            At least I’m not so kak at ping-pong.

            The lucky-ball draw puts in me in Pool A, which has the sexiest ballgirl. All good. There I swiftly dispatch Rob Forbes from 5FM and Kaos who used to be on Selimathunzi, who wins the fashion-positioning prize for real with his stylish sweatband. Ou’s checked that thing and immediately everybody wished they’d worn one.

            Paul Ballen of Paul’s Homemade Ice Cream also stands no chance against my demon serves and then it’s just me vs Agency lady Amanda Sevasti for the title of Pool A Champion.

            That’s where the fix comes in, and I’m left to lick my wounds in second place. No diss to Amanda or the organisers. It’s my fault for not being streetwise and cheating more.

            I still make the semis, though, where I face the scary-good Dave Alves of Ogilvy. Because of the disruptive Kings Of Pong rules I soon find myself on the back foot. These lunatic rules include playing with two balls at once, downing tequilas and indeed playing with a tequila in your free hand.

            I prove a bit poor at that, and indeed a worse player than Dave A, but I nevertheless go out a respectable 11-9.

            Eventually it’s between me and comedian Lazola Gola for 3rd place, which I secure in an unforgiving three-point play-off.

            Done. Time for more free-drink bangle glory at the bar and a chat in the stairwell outside. You know how we do! I get back just in time to see my nemesis Dave A crowned media King of Pong for the evening. Deserved it too, the cock.

            Losing hasn't been this much fun since Rodriguez beat me a pool in PE. The launch was all to launch Puma Kings Of Pong, a serious-fun eight-week Puma Social Club tournament kicking off 5 July, with R20 000 prize money up for grabs. To enter go here.