Here are my digits...

At first I was 3.1. Kilograms at birth. Birth number 220 of 1973 according to the department of the interior. That’s what the birth certificate tells me – C242325, issued free in respect of persons born on or after 1/1/1960.

            In doing so I became 7301195043006, though this would only become clear later. In the meantime I became one of the 21 members of Sub A1 that Mrs Bruwer launched on our respective trajectories through academia. By the time I was in 5F I weighed 28. Our number at number 22 was 321873.

            I got over 80 all through primary school. Then I turned 13 and I was into 6B. By then we’d moved to the area, so our number was 522689. I got a couple of 80s, and in the meantime I made 13As. Played number 9 when we beat Grey Bloem 8-4 in 1986.

            Then in 87 Dad got me a 5’5” twin-fin for R185 – 3-inches thick, to float 45. There at number 2 Pleinhuis. My standard position slipped from 5 to 22, and I only got 59 for Latin.

            By 10B I was riding a 6’2” and getting into some days of six-to-eight. ’Course, by then I was playing 10ths, and rocking a 72 average. Made seventh seed for the 88 SAs, though, thanks to my 95% average I got from three out of five judges on a day of two-to-three with sets that were about four. Army number: 85E 2185.

            There were bigger fish to fry. I hit the N2 north for about 125 kays in 89. Student number: 689E1689. Laundry number: BOT196. They changed the 006 to 089 and from then on I was 7101195043089.

            By 93 it was back to 6001 – you know, the old 041 code. Got a graft at number 19 – 5047911 and they’ll put you through. I was on R1 700 to start with. I’s still getting call-ups for 85E2185, but just chucking them in the bin.

            Then I bust for freedom in 94 with a 7’2”, a 6’4” and two power numbers: Passport A00141701 and Mastercard 5221 0010 1243 3348. Spent 12 months doing the whole 40 075km planet circuit. I was 24. I weighed 68.

            Got back on 10/03/1995 and began the rest of my life. Fell in love with a girl at 557679. Moved to number 34, turned 30, hit the N10 north to the 2001 zip code and signed up. Tax number 0050024074, employee number 2092965, pin number 87145, cell number 0828355272, registration number PSR839GP, medical aid number 192107, car insurance number OTC6229871, home loan number 21-086-833-5…

            But I am not a number. I am 75 different numbers, in one. I’ve been collecting numbers from the day I was born. These numbers help other people keep track of me.

But if you really want to know me, then I’m afraid these numbers aren’t going to help you one little bit.